Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Apologies and Conversations

I apologize to the few frequent followers that this blog appeals to for my absence. I’d like to say that this absence was the result of some great event that required my time for tedious and delicate decision making, or maybe a cross country trip skipping from state to state meeting awesome strangers and smashing every 6 and above that stepped in front of me, or perhaps Sundance, the film festival that I’ve been saying that I was going to for years now that just ended. But no, my loving and loyal readers, to my dismay this is not the case. Instead, my absence is more so of slacker repute. The un-interruption, so to speak, of my everyday wheelings and dealings. Work, Women, and DVR!! Better known in classier circles as WWD, or WBD depending on how disrespectful I’m feeling. The “B” is probably better left unsaid. Regarding my absence, let me say that this is of no cause for concern! But, who am I to do so? Why trust me of all people, the untrustworthy narrator. Perhaps I should just put up or shut, practice what I preach, and stop being so damn inconsistent. And I will!
Amidst my days of bojangling and lollygagging were conversations. Conversations with people. People who held alternative beliefs about a variety of subject matters. You’d think I’d want to blog about said conversations, and I did, but managed to allow other B.S. to blogger-block me until now. So, now this unfulfilled release manifests itself into this, a hodgepodge of lingering thoughts that will quite possibly lead nowhere, but we’ll see.

Religion… I don’t consider myself to be a religious man, in fact, quite the opposite in that the rules that I adhere to, aside from those enforced by “the infamous pigs,” are of my own. I live a life that’s self-defined and completely based on what I truly feel is right and wrong. What’s to be taken into consideration and deliberated upon, which I have and do, is that I was raised in a very religious household. This may account for a pretense of Christian morals assumed by those I converse with. In some cases they may be right. I generally do believe that it is wrong to kill, steal, and other overwhelmingly obvious criminal acts that are specifically pointed out in the bible. But, not because of the bible, but rather because I wouldn’t want any of said criminal acts done to me. That defines the space in which I live. The basis to with which I call my code of ethics is taking the ever so reliable “treat people how you want to be treated” attitude towards all my actions and intentions.

I’d like it to be clear that I don’t have an issue with Religion. Almost everyone I love is held strong within it. So I slightly respect it. With that being said, the question with which most religious debates are sparked must be asked. Does God exist? That question is quite difficult for me to answer. If given the options of Yes and No, I’d prefer not to choose. Because I don’t know. I’m pretty positive no one does. I believe that people strongly (and I mean really STRONGLY) believe their respective sides, he does and doesn’t. I think we can all agree that-that’s not knowing though. I’ve been given the opportunity to ask this question to a variety of people. Surprisingly (or maybe not so surprisingly), most responses to this question are similar. “Does God Exist?”… “Yes”… obviously followed with, “Well how do you know.” This is commonly followed with and evidenced by a “miraculous experience” that’s happened, or unexplained relief from difficult circumstances, you know, “There are things that happen in my life that let me KNOW that there is a God.” And please believe, I respect all of the above. But what’s most important about those reasons for a believer is that they are equally as disprovable as they are provable. In my opinion, these evidences come out of convenience. In my mind, it’s easy to label good things and positive outcomes as God’s work. So, something good happens… “Thank God.” But good things happen to everyone, right? I’m sure there aren’t any non-believers whom only experience horrible things or bad outcomes. That’s kind of how life is… you deal with the good and the bad. But maybe this is a weak argument. Who knows?

I understand the comfort folks feel with believing there is a Greater Being out there hovering over and watching us. Who loves us, and is there for assistance when we need help. It’s comforting not being alone in this world. It’s comforting believing that your “soul” lives forever in heaven after you die, as opposed to what may be true, that nothing happens and the lights just go out… forever. I understand all of that, and would love for it to be true. But I just don’t know. I don’t believe it’s not true but I don’t believe it is either. Agnosticism I suppose.

I have to admit, there is a void that I feel. This void, I’ve been told is because of my lack of relationship with God, but It may just be my hunger for higher success. But as a pseudo-resolution for the New Year, I’ve intended to seek out a more spiritual lifestyle. I’m not making any promises, but an effort will be made.

I’m hoping this is clear. What do you think?



  1. Well spoken brother, we have our disagreements, but you perfectly educated and expressed your thoughts and feelings about Religion. Couldn't have said this better myself.

  2. MaDBlack, in the autobiography of Archbishop Fulton Sheen,'Treasure In Clay,' he writes "That autobiography (the Bible) is the crucifix-the inside story of my life not in the way it walks the stage of time, but how it was recorded, taped and written in the 'Book of Life.' It is not the autobiography I read to myself. In the crown of thorns, I see my pride, my grasping for earthly toys in the pierced Hands, my flight from shepherding care in the pierced Feet, my wasted love in the wounded Heart, and my prurient desires in the flesh hanging from Him like purple rags. Almost everytime I turn a page of that book (bible), my heart weeps at what 'eros' has done to 'agape', what the "I" has done to the "Thou," what the professed friend has done to the Beloved."
    MaDBlack, everything you said was like a siloette of desire for more, but that kind of more can only come from God, we were all created with a void only He can fill. It is no surprise you were raised and are surrounded by many in the faith, read Proverbs 22:6. Could it be you are just tired of religion?...hopefully. Maybe your ready for a spritual connection(relationship) with God. Trust there is more to life than what you've seen and experienced, I pray you truly allow yourself to be enveloped in this truth, not by your own ideas and standards(Isaiah 55:8), but the Creator's promises. What would you lose?